Strange

A thing (read PC) that you dont own, makes you feel so uncomfortable using it.

It just feels strange to be seated in front of a Computer system in IPC (esp if you go there after a long long time)!

Seated in A-24..
Shruti!

Guru

The songs: 'Ay hairathe' and 'Barso re', are so brilliant!

A R Rahman is a great music director and a wonderful singer. After such a long time i'm listening to hindi music and oh its wonderful. His songs are so melodious, so soulful, so beautiful. Always feel like listening to the same song over and over again. Awesome!

Shruti

What am i doing here at this hour? BLOGGING!

Abhinav is a brilliant student and I love this fact.

I dont know if i can love anyone as much as i love him. He's the best bro in this world. :D

Shruti

A Mountain so easily climbed!

Oh great! Idleness can provoke mind to think of stuffs that stay suppressed during the time of activity and wow.. am i not bored and idle?

Yeah, since the comprees have ended, I can think of nothing but how dumb i've been and still am, wanting do something that i am not very much capable of.. chasing a dream of childhood.. being hopelessly passionate about something i know very little of.. getting library books issued in the hope of learning that 'something' (i've read like just 20 pages of the book, "QED - The Strange Theory of Light and Matter", and am completely awed by it. Hats off to Feynman!).. that 'something' being PHYSICS and me being a Researcher (Even when i'm typing this down, i feel like a complete idiot and cant help laughing at myself!). I sure have succeded in climbing the Mountain!

Feynman says - "The scale of 'light' can be described by numbers - called the frequency - and as the numbers get higher, the light goes from red to blue to violet to ultraviolet. We can't see UV light but it can affect photographic plates. It's still light - only the number is different." Now i want to draw anology in here (Since i've already climbed the Mountain, it doesnt make much difference if i make a fool of myself further!). Red indicates 'Danger' zone and Blue lies in the 'Comfort' zone, so if i replace the 'numbers' with CGPA and 'light' with zones (Zones: Danger to Comfort), people would want to move up the scale. And considering the fact that my 'number' is worthless, plus, me being hopelessly passionate about physics, plus, me knowing nothing much of physics, plus, me not showing much enthu in the 'in' thing - i.e comps, Research line is, as people tell me, not advised at this stage. They say that it can wait and i should concentrate on improving my 'number', i.e. moving it up the scale! (I hope that this semester would drag my 'number' up a bit.. and if it does, then, thanx to Physics CDCs, without which the 'number' might have slided down the scale!) But the problem here is that i am stupid cuz i cant get myself to sit and study.. hey! can i see myself climbing higher on the Mountain? What a stupid analogy! But, I dont care!

After writing about numbers, i feel like writing about my awesome comunication skills. I am simply awesome at killing a beautiful convo (or maybe forcing it to commit suicide) by talking of things irrelevant to the topic of conversation (How can i forget the PS-I GDs?). Why do i blank out in front of a crowd? I do not know.. maybe because climbing that Mountain is too tempting, for it is an easier escape route! It ob is not good! Anyways, lets see.

Mountain.. what Mountain? Mountain of stupidity! A Mountain that i've so easily climbed! And yea.. I've reached such heights that i can barely see the foot of this Mountain!

Shruti

Crazy!

This is really very crazy but i like the fact that Feynman was a Taurian.

8 mile - a shocking revelation

8 Mile
A semi biography of Eminem. Yesterday started to watch this movie, saw till the point in the movie where B-Rabbit played Eminem gets intimidated by the crowd and doesnt say a word in that rap-something-competition. The movie was a bit slow and the rap thing was tough for me to understand (was barely able to catch a few words), so i switched off the TV. But, curiosity got better hold of me and so switched on the movie again after about 1:30 hrs or so (dont remember).. but the movie was almost over.

Must say that it was a shocking revelation to me. Hadnt imagined that people have to face these kinds of hardships too. God! Now, when i tried listening to eminem again (with lyrics), it shocked me to depths unimaginable (okay, I cant listen to his songs, they have too much of frustration in them.. its a bit tough to tolerate). But the calm look can hold this much of hurt and frustration, i never imagined. It sure was a shocking revelation.

* I guess that i should cut down my intake of rock songs, its having a funny impact on me. :)

Shruti

Blogosphere

Blogosphere is turning Grey!

Its an article which came in "The Hindu" which says that the senior citizens have stepped into the world of Blogging. The article says that the elderly people enjoy reading blogs and can afford to do so because they have plenty of time in their hands unlike 'young' people who barely find time. The blogs they own is their experiences, their life, documented in the form of posts or some of the bloggers are more sophisticated and maintain video blogs.

What i really find tickling in the article, is that, 'young' people have blogs which is more of 'me me and me'. It almost made me laugh (me again? hehe).

Anyways, Its really nice to know that the Elderly also enjoy what Internet has to offer.

Shruti

Nothing to say...

One Step Closer

I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again

Somewhere I Belong

i wanna heal..
i wanna feel..
like im close to something real
i wanna find something i've wanted all along
Somewhere i belong
.
.
.
.
i will never be anything till i break away from me
i will break away
i'll find myself today

Outside

All the times
That I felt insecure
.
.
And I leave
My burdens at the door

Numb

i'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
i don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes
every step that i take is another mistake to you

i've
become so numb
i can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
i'm becoming this
all i want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

can't you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought i would be
has fallen apart right in front of you

every step that i take is another mistake to you
and every second i waste is more than i can take
but i know
i may end up failing too
but i know
you were just like me
with someone disappointed in you
i've become so numb

Easier to Run

Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back

Its Easier to Run... It’s so much easier to go...

Shruti

Know not

I know not so many things, there are just soo many that i keep on clicking links, browsing through lots of papers, reading lots of stuff, and finally knowing nothing.

Am i cribbing?
Yes!
Can i stop cribbing?
Yes!
But then what about the 'Knowing not' stuff? Shruti, you still know not many things.
Yes! That's why my mouse is getting 'clicked' by me at a faster rate..!
But I thought that finally you know Nothing!
Yeah.. So what? Reading is fun and i am ready to drop the 'knowing' part for the 'fun' part!

Clicking the mouse away..
--Shruti

Gone but not actually...

Yesterday
Its a cold night..

Darker gets the night,
as i think of tomorrow

'Starier' gets the night,
as i think of yesterday

(didnt complete the post yest 'cuz was sleepy)

Today
i am already awake. It was around 4:30 am when my eyes opened. I laid awake on my bed. Thinking...

Everything was so quiet then.. and now it still is.. for everyone is asleep in the house. At 5 am i got up, switched on the comp, signed in to blogspot and now here i am jotting down this post! Why am i awake? Is it the compree tension? No.. its already over and tests never got me tensed till now.. The truth is that i am scared. Why scared? Scared because am getting closer and closer to what is called 'independence' in this world. Scared because i am scared of facing this fact. Scared because i DONT know what to do!

I've been a very pampered child. And whatever i wished for, most of them got fulfilled just like that. It was all so easy that i hadnt realised that actually it is as tough as i thought it was easy. As i now realise it, it scares me more.

And now suddenly i realise..
one more sem is gone

But hey.. on the brighter side, i have full half more of BITSIAN life to know what i want! I neednt be scared. World.. I will be ready to face you in a few years!

Oh well.. Lets see what happens!

--Shruti (smiling)

Assorted

Happy Painting your path! Because this is what makes life exciting and this is what describes the journey undertaken.

I was WRONG
Even though i like Madonna's "La Isla Bonita" better than Alizee's, it's "Heart Shaped Box" covered by Amy lee that i find more beautiful than Nirvana. Oh no no no.. Kurt Cobain was a great great singer! I love his voice. But for "Heart Shaped Box", Amy Lee is absolutely fantastic. She anyways is a fantastic singer.
Well, Whole in Whole, Evanescence and Nirvana are my fav bands these days.

Lord of the rings - The Return of the King! Wow! I've seen like just 1:30 hrs of the movie, and am totally smitten by beauty of the language (Tolkein was great, no doubt) and the direction. Ian McKellen always and always stuns me by his extraordinary convincing ability, be it as Magneto (X-men) or as Gandalf. He is so great! And yeah! Arwein (hopefully the spelling's correct.. i dont know her real name), she looks so stunning in the scene just before she sees a snapshot of future, wherein she sees her son. And the scene that follows is even more breathtaking. I just love these words:
"From the ashes, a fire shall be woken;
A light, from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be the blade that was broken;
The crownless, again shall be the king."

Wow! I wanna watch the triology but sadly dont have the first two parts. Anyways, The Return of the King is absolutely fantastic!

Okay, I better start ghoting now!

*Yeah! Aragon is great too!

--Shruti

Comprees!

My nose is so cold.. so numb.. cant even feel its existence.. hey wait! My palms are freaking cold too.. so numb.. cant even feel their existence..
Damn.. Comprees! Sure can make one SENSE-LESS! ;)

Freezing away
--Shruti (brrr)

A Girl named Sudha...

"It was probably the April of 1974. Bangalore was getting warm and gulmohars were blooming at the IISc campus. I was the only girl in my postgraduate department and was staying at the ladies' hostel. Other girls were pursuing research in different departments of Science.

I was looking forward to going abroad to complete a doctorate in computer science. I had been offered scholarships from Universities in the US. I had not thought of taking up a job in India.

One day, while on the way to my hostel from our lecture-hall complex, I saw an advertisement on the notice board. It was a standard job-requirement notice from the famous automobile company Telco (now Tata Motors). It stated that the company required young, bright engineers, hardworking and with an excellent academic background, etc. At the bottom was a small line: "Lady candidates need not apply."

I read it and was very upset. For the first time in my life I was up against gender discrimination.

Though I was not keen on taking up the job, I saw it as a challenge. I had done extremely well in academics, better than most of my male peers. Little did I know then that in real life academic excellence is not enough to be successful.

After reading the notice I went fuming to my room. I decided to inform the topmost person in Telco's management about the injustice the company was perpetrating. I got a postcard and started to write, but there was a problem: I did not know who headed Telco.

I thought it must be one of the Tatas. I knew JRD Tata was the head of the Tata Group; I had seen his pictures in newspapers (actually,Sumant Moolgaokar was the company's chairman then) I took the card, addressed it to JRD and started writing. To this day I remember clearly what I wrote.

"The great Tatas have always been pioneers. They are the people who
started the basic infrastructure industries in India, such as iron and steel, chemicals, textiles and locomotives They have cared for higher education in India since 1900 and they were responsible for the establishment of the Indian Institute of Science. Fortunately, I study there. But I am surprised how a company such as Telco is discriminating on the basis of gender."

I posted the letter and forgot about it. Less than 10 days later, I received a telegram stating that I had to appear for an interview at Telco's Pune facility at the company's expense. I was taken aback by the telegram. My hostel mate told me I should use the opportunity to go to Pune free of cost and buy them the famous Pune saris for cheap!

I collected Rs 30 each from everyone who wanted a sari When I look back, I feel like laughing at the reasons for my going, but back then they seemed good enough to make the trip.

It was my first visit to Pune and I immediately fell in love with the city. To this day it remains dear to me. I feel as much at home in Pune as I do in Hubli, my hometown. The place changed my life in so many ways.

As directed, I went to Telco's Pimpri office for the interview. There were six people on the panel and I realised then that this was serious business.

"This is the girl who wrote to JRD," I heard somebody whisper as soon as I entered the room. By then I knew for sure that I would not get the job. The realisation abolished all fear from my mind, so I was rather cool while the interview was being conducted.

Even before the interview started, I reckoned the panel was biased, so I told them, rather impolitely, "I hope this is only a technical interview."

They were taken aback by my rudeness, and even today I am ashamed about my attitude. The panel asked me technical questions and I answered all of them. Then an elderly gentleman with an affectionate voice told me, "Do you know why we said lady candidates need not apply? The reason is that we have never employed any ladies on the shop floor. This is not a co-ed college; this is a factory. When it comes to academics, you are a first ranker throughout. We appreciate that, but people like you should work in research laboratories."

I was a young girl from small-town Hubli. My world had been a limited place. I did not know the ways of large corporate houses and their difficulties, so I answered, "But you must start somewhere, otherwise no woman will ever be able to work in your factories."

Finally, after a long interview, I was told I had been successful. So this was what the future had in store for me. Never had I thought I would take up a job in Pune. I met a shy young man from Karnataka there, we became good friends and we got married. It was only after joining Telco that I realized who JRD was: the uncrowned king of Indian industry. Now I was scared, but I did not get to meet him till I was transferred to Bombay. One day I had to show some reports to Mr Moolgaokar, our chairman, who we all knew as SM. I was in his office on the first floor of Bombay House (the Tata headquarters) when, suddenly JRD walked in. That was the first time I saw "appro JRD". Appro means "our" in Gujarati. This was the affectionate term by
which people at Bombay House called him.

I was feeling very nervous, remembering my postcard episode. SM introduced me nicely, "Jeh (that's what his close associates called him), this young woman is an engineer and that too a postgraduate.

She is the first woman to work on the Telco shop floor." JRD looked at me. I was praying he would not ask me any questions about my interview (or the postcard that preceded it). Thankfully, he didn't. Instead, he remarked. "It is nice that girls are getting into engineering in our country. By the way, what is your name?"
"When I joined Telco I was Sudha Kulkarni, Sir," I replied. "Now I am Sudha Murthy." He smiled and kindly smile and started a discussion with SM. As for me, I almost ran out of the room.

After that I used to see JRD on and off. He was the Tata Group chairman and I was merely an engineer. There was nothing that we had in common. I was in awe of him.

One day I was waiting for Murthy, my husband, to pick me up after office hours. To my surprise I saw JRD standing next to me. I did not know how to react. Yet again I started worrying about that postcard. Looking back, I realise JRD had forgotten about it. It must have been a small incident for him, but not so for me.

"Young lady, why are you here?" he asked. "Office time is over." I said, "Sir, I'm waiting for my husband to come and pick me up." JRD said, "It is getting dark and there's no one in the corridor.

I'll wait with you till your husband comes."

I was quite used to waiting for Murthy, but having JRD waitin alongside made me extremely uncomfortable.

I was nervous. Out of the corner of my eye I looked at him. He wore a simple white pant and shirt. He was old, yet his face was glowing. There wasn't any air of superiority about him. I was thinking, "Look at this person. He is a chairman, a well-respected man in our country and he is waiting for the sake of an ordinary employee."

Then I saw Murthy and I rushed out. JRD called and said, "Young lady, tell your husband never to make his wife wait again." In 1982 I had to resign from my job at Telco. I was reluctant to go, but I really did not have a choice. I was coming down the steps of Bombay House after wrapping up my final settlement when I saw JRD coming up. He was absorbed in thought. I wanted to say goodbye to him, so I stopped. He saw me and paused.

Gently, he said, "So what are you doing, Mrs Kulkarni?" (That was the way he always addressed me. "Sir, I am leaving Telco."

"Where are you going?" he asked. "Pune, Sir. My husband is starting a company called Infosys and I'm shifting to Pune."

"Oh! And what will you do when you are successful."
"Sir, I don't know whether we will be successful."

"Never start with diffidence," he advised me "Always start with confidence. When you are successful you must give back to society. Society gives us so much; we must reciprocate. I wish you all the best."

Then JRD continued walking up the stairs. I stood there for what seemed like a millennium. That was the last time I saw him alive.

Many years later I met Ratan Tata in the same Bombay House, occupying the chair JRD once did. I told him of my many sweet memories of working with Telco. Later, he wrote to me, "It was nice hearing about Jeh from you. The sad part is that he's not alive to see you today."

I consider JRD a great man because, despite being an extremely busy person, he valued one postcard written by a young girl seeking justice. He must have received thousands of letters everyday. He could have thrown mine away, but he didn't do that. He respected the intentions of that unknown girl, who had neither influence nor money, and gave her an opportunity in his company. He did not merely give her a job; he changed her life and mindset forever.

Close to 50 per cent of the students in today's engineering colleges are girls. And there are women on the shop floor in many industry segments. I see these changes and I think of JRD. If at all time stops and asks me what I want from life, I would say I wish JRD were alive today to see how the company we started has grown. He would have enjoyed it wholeheartedly.

My love and respect for the House of Tata remains undiminished by the passage of time. I always looked up to JRD. I saw him as a role model for his simplicity, his generosity, his kindness and the care he took of his employees. Those blue eyes always reminded me of the sky; they had the same vastness and magnificence."

Sudha Murthy is a widely published writer and chairperson of the Infosys Foundation involved in a number of social development initiatives. Infosys chairman Narayana Murthy is her husband.

How infosys was born - a reminiscence by Sudha Murthy

People are simply great, with confidence feeling quite comfortable in their company. I salute Mrs. Sudha Murthy and Dr. N. R. Narayana Murthy for being such an inspiration to the young people who dream of becoming Entrepreneurs. They simply are great.

Edit: This pic is soo cute! This is what always happens when i sit down to study.. SCRATCH MY HEAD!

Why?

Why do people get saddened when their exam doesnt go as good as they expect it to go?

Gold

A mail says that:

If your BIRTH DAY is......
May 15th ~ May 24th = Gold

Gold
You know what's right and what's wrong. You are cheerful and out going. It's hard for you to find the one you want, but once you find the right person, you won't be able to fall in love again for a long time.

yeah right.. i really dont know what/who i want! ;)

btw, this is my 51st published post in blogspot.. wow.. 51 posts in 7 months!
oh dear god! this is wht is known as excessive blogging!

Alright.. alright.. I am wasting my time in here.. but wht the hell.. more than half the course is remaining.. copious amounts of Caffeine (Correction: Omg! i cant believe that i wrote 'nicotine' in place of 'caffeine' even by mistake :O) has already entered the system.. my head is aching.. and Cmech notes are sitting idle in my lap.. great! i am so good at time-wasting! Wow.. so i AM good at something! hehe..

Which color do you like?

By the Arabian sea, lay many pairs of footprints on the goan sand.. I walked over the same sand feeling the ground sink beneath my feet, adding yet another pair of footprints in this nature's dynamic painting..

Who am i? Just another 'pair' of footprints in this 'painting'! The waves of time wash away the imprints of the aging footprints, and will someday wash away mine too..

Ahaa, such is the nature of this nature's painting, we paint the path of our journey with the colors of our choice or forced choice.. and it may happen that you choose a different color than mine.. but ultimately, the nature will merge us all into the same color.. Our paths though divergent right now, will surely converge my friend..

Happy painting your path! :)

*How funny! now i know why i'd been getting this font! because i'd been writing in 'Edit Html' mode. hehe!

--Shruti

This is where I long to be...

Oh! This song "La isla bonita" always takes me back to Goa.

What a place! Its really so hard to not fall in love with goa.
"Japanese Gardens"! What a beach.. Can i ever forget that rock where i sat, watching the sun touch the horizon, the blue waters glistering in the evening sky? Can i ever see nething as beautiful as the waves hitting the rocks.. turning into foam and dissolving into oblivion? Can i ever forget the feeling of the wet sand sinking under my feet and the waves washing away the remnants of the impressions created? Can i ever forget the ride we took to reach there (Only myself and disha were there in the whole bus, along with another passenger who helped us with the directions)? Can I ever forget the cool breeze moistening our enthu, never lettin it go dry? Can i ever forget, the same cool breeze splashing itself on our faces, making us feel the power of nature?

"Sinquerim Beach"! Oh.. What a place.. Can I ever forget the muddy path leading to the fort, onlooking the sea? Can i ever forget the powerful wind reorienting our hair and flapping against my skirt? Can i ever forget the wet splashes of salty water making us smile and infusing enthu in us? Can i ever forget that lovely foreigner couple (who seemed pretty old agewise) enjoying the view of the sea? Can i ever forget the wild dance of the waves over the huge rocks.. jumping high.. creating a foamy pool in the rocky voids and yet again retreating back into the sea? Can i ever forget the music of the roaring sea, so very much crisp and fresh?

Can i ever.. ever in my life, forget the whole 2 months experience?

During those two months, We: myself and disha, went to Mumbai for 2 days, just to break the monotony that was born out of a predetermined routine. The bus took off at around 6 pm. It was a 14 hrs bus journey. but wow! what a journey! It was almost night when the bus bid adieu to goa, so it was pointless seeing outside as everything was pitch-dark. And now.. here comes my insomniac tendency! I woke up at 5 am, disha was sleeping, and wow! It felt like heaven! It had rained the previous night and so everything was looking so fresh and green. oh wow! Oh god! It was soo beautiful outside. Dint feel like taking my eyes off this abundance of beauty. The bus reached 'navi mumbai' at around 6 am. Our destination was 'Malabar Hills' (I dont know where it is, apart from this info: Its somewhere in/close to Central Mumbai). Rakshit, Disha's brother came to pick us up. The place where we were staying (in disha's mama's house) was sea facing and it was sooo pretty! We got a full view of the beautiful Arabian sea out through the window of the room, which we (Disha n me) were given.

There was a big chest like thing placed by that window, which became my favorite spot for full 1 night and the succeeding morning. It felt soo great starin at the sea for hours long.. thinkin nothing and staring at the sea. It was a real beauty..
Again woke up at around 5 in the morning and sat on that chest. There was this delta shaped rock which made the breaking waves take different directions when they came close to it. It was so great to see the waves coming from different directions yet eventually merging into a single entity and goin back to the sea. Slowly the dawn broke into mumbai and disha woke up. "Tum bahar kya dekhti rehti ho?". I wish *------* It was around 7 am or 8 am and that delta shaped rock had completely disappered into the sea, as if it never existed! The water level had risen and I got up to take bath...

Mumbai! Night never manages to creep in even at night. Its such a lively bustling place! Even at 11 pm (after our visit to an ex-BITS phy. prof's home in mumbai), the night dint seem to set in. Light drizzle had started to set in, at the bus stop and Rakshit told us to look above at the sky. Wow! The tiny droplets looked soo pretty when they made way to land on our faces. It was the prettiest thing (apart from sea viewing) that i experienced all through the stay in mumbai...

* I guess, its high time that I start studying for OT now! Enough of swimming in the past! :)

EDIT: I think that i kind of like this font better.

--Shruti

La isla Bonita

There is so much of a difference in an original song and its resung version. I think that the original version of a song has much more of beauty than the later versions, maybe because of the efforts and passion that's put in for the first one is far far more greater. I dunno, but i like "La isla Bonita" sung by Madonna (The video is awesome too) more than Alizee.

Last night I dreamt of San Pedro
Just like I'd never gone, I knew the song
A young girl with eyes like the desert
It all seems like yesterday, not far away

Chorus:
Tropical the island breeze
All of nature wild and free
This is where I long to be
La isla bonita
And when the samba played
The sun would set so high
Ring through my ears and sting my eyes
Your Spanish lullaby

I fell in love with San Pedro
Warm wind carried on the sea, he called to me
te dijo te amo
I prayed that the days would last
They went so fast

Tropical the island breeze
All of nature wild and free
This is where I long to be
La isla bonita
And when the samba played
The sun would set so high
Ring through my ears and sting my eyes
Your Spanish lullaby

I want to be where the sun warms the sky
When it's time for siesta you can watch them go by
Beautiful faces, no cares in this world
Where a girl loves a boy, and a boy loves a girl

Madonna Rocks this song!

*I dont know the font name that i use, so dint change it (formatting tools in blogspot have disappeared somewhere!)

--Shruti

The Letters

[Mr. Winter]

"Here I come again!"

The tingling cold, accompanied by soft delicate sunlight in the afternoons, goldening the trees and the mud, has arrived yet again.

The gentle flowing breeze, attracting the weightless leaves in its direction of flow, touches past the houses, he so very much is familiar with. The breeze continues to flow.. Sometimes violent, sometimes gentle, sometimes playful and sometimes Still. But still, he continues to flow. The lonely but the cheerful wanderer, greeting everyone on his way, never once in his life, gets sorrowed by an unrecieved positive human response. He continues to flow, motivated by the subtle melodious songs, the rustling leaves sing for him, as he touches past them. He, the flowing breeze, continues to flow.. as cheerful as ever.. leaving behind him, the songs of his existance...

The green goldening leaf, bidding goodbye to the flowing breeze, welcomes the delicate yellow with an equal enthusiam, letting her sit on its lap and enjoying the delicate warmth she gives to it. The delicate yellow.. the beautiful golden.. How much warmth you carry! She, the delicate sunlight, continues to come in the afternoon, spreading her warmth.. leaving behind her, her golden warm glow which is reciprocated by the genuine smiles...

The tingling cold, accompanied by soft delicate sunlight in the afternoons, goldening the trees and the mud, has arrived yet again.

I, the pilani winter, would just say "Here I come again!"

Regards,
Mr. Winter


[Me]

Just read this letter by you Mr. Winter. And would love to spend a few months with you. Hoping for a wonderful december winter. I whole heartedly welcome you with gloved hands, Mr. Winter! Happy Staying.

Regards,
Shruti

A.W.E.S.O.M.E

Time: 12:00 am, Day: Someday during OASIS 2006 :
"Did you ever go cycling with your hair open so that it flutters against the wind?"
I said no.
"Believe me, its awesome"
I believed.

A Few Days back :
..tried it.

Now would say :
..Believe me (her), it really is.. A.W.E.S.O.M.E!

LOST LOST LOST!

Amusing!

Looking back at the previous posts, makes me wonder, ponder, laugh and leaves me stunned. Everything of the past simply seems lost in the past. But that's what makes it even more amusing. It just seems like ages to have had those thoughts.

Recently saw an interview of 'Rekha' - the stunning bollywood actress in 'Rendevouz with Simi Garewal'. She is a very elegant lady having enigmatic grace to her persona (according to me). Well, she told many things and I am going to type down just a few of them. She, who had entered Bollywood at an age of 13 (just a teenager!) mainly because of financial reasons, found herself LOST in Mumbai (Bombay actually). She afterall was just a small kid at that time and her busy acting schedule stole her time of being a normal teenager which left her frustrated at the end of the day. Adding onto that, her mom wasnt there with her and she missed her like hell. Not only that! Men were making passes on her.. on a 13 year old young lady! When Simi put before her, her childhood, Rekha said something like this - "Simi, I was young at that time, my mom wasnt with me and I had my family to support. So at that time, I might have felt that way. But now, I dont have any regrets.. I am happy that I entered bollywood."
I so very much agree! When I look back at me now, I dont see any regrets which were there when I was living them. I'd been frustrated many times due to some thing or the other.. but now, I feel happy that they happened. Happy because, they made me learn, get an experience and set me free! Free, for am no longer shackled to those haunting thoughts. Now there are no regrets and everything I labelled "unfair" before is lost in the past. I smile at myself now!

Looking back at the previous posts, makes me wonder, ponder, laugh and leaves me stunned. Everything of the past simply seems lost in the past. But that's what makes it even more amusing. It just seems like ages to have had those thoughts :

LOST LOST LOST - 1
LOST LOST LOST - 2
LOST LOST LOST - 3
LOST LOST LOST - 4
LOST LOST LOST - 5
LOST LOST LOST - 6
LOST LOST LOST - 7

Maybe I am a bit too melodramic - hehe. But hell! Who cares? After all, ultimately what matters is, how comfortable you are, with your self. Nothing else matters!

--Shruti

May Baby!

This is a mail that is pretty frequent and repetitive! Well, mysely, being a 'May' baby, am supposed to be having the following qualities (according to the mail) - How much do I agree?

*Stubborn and hard-hearted. - Yes
*Strong-willed and highly motivated. - Guess so
*Sharp thoughts. - I hope so
*Easily angered. - Very
*Attracts others and loves attention. - Dont think so
*Deep feelings. - Yeah
*Beautiful physically and mentally. - Would love to belive that
*Firm Standpoint. - Yes
*Needs no motivation. - Not exactly
*Shy towards opposite sex. - Yes
*Easily consoled. - Yes
*Systematic (left brain). - Yeah
*Loves to dream. - Very
*Strong clairvoyance. - Would love to believe that
*Understanding. - Yeah!
*Sickness usually in the ear and neck. - Wow, Yes!
*Good imagination. - Hehe, Maybe
*Good physical. Maybe (?)
*Weak breathing. - 100%
*Loves literature and the arts. - Very
*Loves traveling. - Love to see people and places
*Dislike being at home. - Yes
*Restless. - Very
*Not having many children. - Actually None!
*Hardworking. - No
*High-spirited. - Not exactly

If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak too much in the next 4 days. - I wont and I dint! hehe

--Shruti

Wants

I want to live life

When was the last time I actually felt good about myself? God.. I dont even remember!
All the time, My eyes see me through my failures making me believe that, "Yes.. my incapablities are larger in number than my capabalities". So what? Maybe I am incapable when it comes to things that are beyond my comprehension. Does that make me an incapable person? No! I maybe be better at other things. So what, If I am bad in some things? I want to feel good about myself.

'Why dint I think of it before' is a question of no consequence because its a thing of past and living in past is of no help (as they say 'live in your present' and 'learn from the past'). Ever since I came know that I can think, I idealised everything, because idealisation was always easier to understand and made more sense. But what was the result? I got lost in those idealisations trying to link them with the real world. Always wanted things to be predictable and work how I want them to. But the real world is much more beautiful without these idealisations.. Its much more than these idealisations.. I want to chuck those idealisations.

Its been so long since I've been wanting to go back in past (PS I actually) where I thought I was much more productive. Why had I been wanting to go back? Because I miss the self-dependence, the independence, the beautiful nature... blah blah blah.. Why? Why cant I be productive here? Why cant I be self-dependent here? Its simply that I've been living with the excuses that reside in me as truths. Are these the truths? Yes- If I believe that and No- If I overcome them. I want to overcome them.

Its been so long since I've been thinking about Reality, Changes, Perception, Pretense.... Why? Why do I need to think about them? Why create more idealisations? My mom always says "Shruti, Why do you think so much, Be more Practical".. Maybe I really am not practical! My mom is so inspiring. She is so so simple, so tension-free, so calm, so serene.. the reason which she gave me was "I take things as they come.. I dont think much". I dint believe her then (I actually thought 'how is that possible?') but now I do. She is much more a happier person this way. I want to be happy.

Reality.. Thought about it a lot.. but was never able to comprehend the complexities that make Reality. Why again, Why do I want to understand it? Why cant I just accept things? Of course, I can. But choose not to. Why would I want to prefer Complexities over Simplicity? I dont.. But this precisely what I have been doing! I want to be Simple and be a believer of Simplicity.

Well, till the time my mind again gets any more strange ideas, I want to believe in the Reality my five senses (+ the sixth sense - intution) perceive. Yes, This set of senses may be the same for every living thing on earth but the experience created is very different. This doesnt mean that these experiences are illusions. They are as real as the belief that "I" exist. Reality is an integration of my reality, your reality, bruno's reality, a snake's reality and the reality of every thing living and non-living. We are really lucky to be able to see reality everyday, every instant. So what, if its incomplete? (Its incomplete because I'm not IR sensitive - a snake's reality) Its incomplete.. but its not an illusion. (Illusion - This is what I thought first.. but i dont believe that anymore because I am happier without this belief). I want to believe in Reality.

I want to live life the way my 5 senses want me to live. I want to live in the real world. I want to live the life of Present Shruti and not of the Past Shruti. I want to love me. I want to free myself from the self imposed constraints. I want to live in Reality.. in the Real Reality.

I want to live life.

--Shruti

Life

What is Life? What is Living?

What is Right? What is Wrong?
What is Joy? What is Sorrow?
What is Pain? What is Healing?
What is Toxic? What is Intoxicating?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
What is Correct? What are mistakes?
What is this? What is that?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
What is Death?


What is Life? What is Living?
Is it trying to find answers to the questions, while living them and living with them?
Is it choosing to ignore some questions, while living them and living with them?
.
.
.
.
I do not know.. Do I wish to know?

--Shruti

28th October 2006

Hahaha.. This is so weird! I always choose to blog on a day that precedes a major test the next day.. maybe because I get bored of studying (?) [cuz That's the only time I study!]

Anyways, I dunno why am posting this.. but have already posted! All of today's posts are the snapshots of my 28th oct 2006's diary entry..

--Shruti again
Counting on time-wasting techniques!

M I

Who am I to say, that you're wrong
Who am I to say, that you're weird
Who am I, to make you see things my way
Who am I, to make you forget to see things your way
Who am I, to force my experience on you
Who am I, to force your experience on me
Who am I, to make these statements

Who am I, to ask these questions?

"I" is nothing but a mortal word, that'll die with my death, burying my 'wrong'.. my 'weird'.. my 'way'.. my 'experience'.. my 'statements'.. in the distant inaccessible past

So..
Who am I, to ask these questions?
..as these questions will also be buried and lockep up in that very distant inaccessible past..

--Shruti

When will we bow down?

She had forgotten, the feel of the soil that lay beneath her feet
She had forgotten, that it even existed, all through the cold and the heat

So she bowed down, to forget the forgotton feeling
So she bowed down, to come for the "Ego's" healing

For now, that she's touched the soil
For now, that she's bowed down, to touch the soil..

She knows, how to bow down
She know, what lays beneath her feet.. all through the cold and the heat..

(When will we bow down?)

--Shruti

10 Things

When you love someone, Recall and Memorise 10 things about them, So that some part of them always remains in your memory, even when are no longer with you.
This is what people keep saying in movies and recently heard it again in this movie called "Because of Winn Dixie" (Its a very Sweet movie)
Lately there have been things running in my mind :::: Some beautiful moments of joy locked up in past; Fear of losing something(one) I love; Self created Questions that are still unanswered; Words.. People.. Pets.. Places.. residing in my memory yet their physical existence seems so distant; Anger, at myself and some people. This is simply much more than one Mind can handle and comprehend (Am I reliving the past? No.. Please No)
There are many more things I wish not to reveal and give an in-depth description of sentances typed out above.
When you love someone, Recall and Memorise 10 things about them, So that some part of them always remains in your memory, even when are no longer with you.
I want to try this out, So here comes the List ::::

• Bruno
  
  1) He was totally pure white with a few brown patches on his back and a Big one on his eye. He looked like a cute soft toy.
  2) He dint like to eat at all, used to simply sleep or laze around in his 'home' all the time. He was one lazy rabbit who used to think that Hes the King of our home.
  3) He was one over-spoilt and over-pampered rabbit. We literally had to cut cabbage and Carrots into thin slices and bring them upto his mouth so that he'd open his KINGLY mouth and snatch the food from our hands and let us have the honor of feeding it.
  4) He thought that he's also a human, rarely exhibiting any of the rabbit qualities! (Or atleast we thought so) The funniest part is, he dint know how to Dig!
  5) He was always there to accompany me in the middle of the night at an odd hour of 3 am. When the whole family used have a blissful sleep, both of us used to sit outside, in the balcony with Silence dominating the environment. He never failed to greet me at any point in his life span, always bubbling with his undying enthusiasm. (I miss him)
  6) He hated to bath, always tried to escape those bathing sessions which we thought, he very much needed. He was rarely allowed inside the house because of his untidy habits.
  7) Chantee (Abhinav) wanted to name him "Alchoholus" (God knows where he gets these names from!) but thankfully this name was voted out by us.. Phew! Thank god!!
  8) He thought very highly of himself (had a lot of Headweight! Used to think that he can fight a Peacock).. Always wanted to do things that a rabbit isnt supposed to do.. Once he had a very narrow Escape (Mom saved him), That peacock almost pecked at his head when that stupid fellow was trying to dig it (Dig a Peacock?!). Thankfully mom saw his 'Courageous act' and saved him right at the right time.
  9) I remember the first time he fell asleep, really psyched us all a lot.. What he did was, jumped a little bit up in the air (hmm.. gymnastics!) and landed on his side with his head resting on one of his 'hand's and eyes fully closed.. We thought that he died and came near him.. He woke up with a start (phew!)
  10) Bruno was a sweetheart and he knew it! I love him a lot and am sort of missing his company a lot lately.

My Brother

1) My brother! oh.. He's the sweetest kid I know.. Right now in his 10th class! (Hmmnn.. Boards)
2) He has a very indifferent attitude towards everything futile in life, that helps him stay away from haunting emotions and always manages to stay in happy mood. (Not that he's not sentimental.. He actually cares about his sister's feelings)
3) He Hates playing CRICKET as much as he hates BIOLOGY! and god, He hates Biology!
4) Have to Admit that his wisdom is damn well ahead of his age. No doubt that he analyses every statement that needs thought (before speaking) and most of the time comes up with THE correct thing! Though he does crap a lot even when its not required (okay, nonsense is anyways never required!)
5) He's Extremely hilarious and has got a unique style of communicating his humour to his audience!
6) He's Extremely Fundoo and thanks to him, I get to learn so many things from him.. He once asked me what 'momentum' is but he didnt get satisfied by the answer he got (Neither was I.. I am a Bad Teacher)..
But I succeeded in explaining him the meaning of momentum after all, a few days after (that was satisfactory) Now I think I understand momentum better.. in fact I think, it is now that I think I understood momentum!
7) His teeth are not of this world! *Undergoing a Transformation now!
8) I love him a lot!!
9) He loves me a lot! Though never admits..
10) .................... [Endless list.. 10 points not enough]

Wow.. I love this post!

--Shruti

From "SAC" to ...

A Solitary path leading to Realisation!!

Wow, Simply wow!

I was Cycle-less..
My friend said "Bye" to me while parking her cycle, ('cause she had to go in there to WORK) when we heard the Chowki scream "Arey, Cycle wahaan pe lagaao". Chowki.. what a fancy name.. BITSIANs sure have a funny naming system that's applied to each and every thing "living" and "non-living" in the premises of this campus!
BITS Chowkis really DO their jobs really well and It would really be a pity to see BITS, Pilani deviod of cycles!


I was Cycle-less..
It was around 6:30 pm when we exchanged "Byes" and these eyes started following the road from "SAC" to ...
Oh.. Anita mam?! Wow, Seeing her after a long time.. Doesnt it feel good to see your biology school teacher after a long time? She saw these eyes and said "Hi Shruti.. Kaisi ho? Kab aayi pilani? School ke baad toh tumhe dekha hi nahi".. She actually thought that I study somewhere else away from pilani.. then we talked about 2004 batchmates doing Physics honours and the current vidyapeeth's 12th class batch.
Ex-Teachers make you nostalgic and all the vidyapeethian school days dance before your eyes.. BUT Ex-teachers are really sweet after 12th class and its fun speaking to them after 2 long BITSIAN years!


I was Cycle-less..
"Bye Mam".. And these eyes saw dusk dawning on the Paschim marg where a few BITS students were jogging. Oh! So, this is road makes a part of their jogging track..
Wow.. these trees.. so pretty! hey we have gulmohars in here! (How come these eyes didnt notice them before?!)
A Tree, a house.. another tree, another house.. so many trees, so many houses!
Oh.. So, BITS students are health concious and BITS has hell lot of trees including Gulmohars! Since BITS has hell lot of trees, so it has hell lot of houses also (A Tree, a house.. another tree, another house.. so many trees, so many houses!)


I Was Cycle-less..
Hey, wow, this kid is looking so sweet.. A lil girl emerged out from the bushes covering the view of her house. These eyes kept on looking at her till she crossed the road and saw a few more Students jogging. Hmmnn.. It was getting a bit darker and the lamp-post there (near the "Paschim Marg" Sign board) did a good job of lighting the turning.
The eyes kept looking at the houses on the right side of the street wondering how the people living in them are so different : Maintain their house in a diferent way though each house has been constructed with the same architectural design. These eyes turnrd to the left only when people were seated outside their homes chatting or simply enjoying the dusk.
Hmmnnn.. These eyes tend to see only the right side of the street even though they are capable of turning 180 degrees to see the other side! Hmn.. Wow, isnt that a bit like the conditioning of mind wherein it sticks only to see in one direction, reluctant to see (forget accepting) in any other direction?


I Was Cycle-less..
Still looking at these houses, pondering about various things was really awesome. One of the house had Lampshades of various patterns and sizes, giving ambience to the nearby surroundings. It was very Pretty to see the constant shadows of the lampshades being disturbed by the shadows of the trees covering the front of the house. Everything was so Perfect that day.
It was A Walk of Rememberance.. It is A Walk to Remember

Its so strange to realise that we are always surrounded by beauty yet we fail to acknowledge it.. Inspiration, Motiation.... all lie well within the range of our sight, taste, touch, smell, and hearing yet we get so self consumed in the world created by us, that we simply shrug off our shoulders when the beauty comes and sits on our shoulders. Everything is Perfect.. Everything is Beautiful!

--Shruti
11th Oct 2006 (Date of Drafting; Publishing it today)

Last or First?

My Friend : Oh.. So you do know my room hunh!
Me: Yea.. Ob!! Its the last one from here, on the far end of the corridor.. right?
Her: Last?! What are you talkin about.. Its the First one on the far end of the corridor!

Simply Awesome!!

--Shruti

Wonder + Land = Wonderland!

Wonder.. Land!
I once visited this land.. was unaware of its existence before.. but its right here, was right here and will be right here.. oh! how blinded I was!

Wonder..ful day :::: Clear blue morning sky, Unmanned road, Typical Pilani trees lining one bank of the road.. And that wonderful turn!

The turn that makes one cross "Birla Shishu Vihar's" main gate with junior Ist (equivalent to either KinderGarden high or Ist Class, I guess) class kids seated on the windows onlooking this road with curiousity.

The pleasant chatter amongst them, their childish and childlike enthusiasm, their enigmatic curious glittering eyes, the "bye didi.. bye didi" shouts packed with purely beautiful smiles.. How can they go unnoticed?

There, he was seated in the farthermost corner of the window with his beautiful smile, waving Goodbyes along with his classmates. I also waved at these kids and him, smiling, and shouting "Byee".
Wow! What a feeling! That cute kid, seated in the farthermost corner of the window, kept on smiling throughout, till another turn came. That Smile! That beautiful Real smile.. was simply breathtaking. I remember smiling, saying "bye" and looking, at them and that kid, all through the stretch of the road.

I know none of them. But I know, that, the kid's smile and the byes will never be forgotten

Pure Enigma!
And really..

Wonderland!

--Shruti

Q - rious Thoughts

Wow, Curiosity can make our mind leap miles ahead of our mental capability to unveil the truth we search for. Its so mysterious and yet so beautiful! Understanding curiosity in itself is a ravelling mystery which simply electrifies every single atom in our mind (!). Its breathtakingly beautiful!

Curiosity is a search, search for finding and linking the missing pieces of THE puzzle so that it doesnt remain puzzling anymore and ends up in the forming a comprehensible picture. Its a wild crazy search purely relying on intution. It invokes passion.. It invokes innovation!

Is curiosity worth this much of energy consumption? Yes!
It is the curiousity of a child that makes him learn to "clap". It is this curiosity which adds excitement in our lives. It is this curiosity which brings us closer to the reality, reality that our senses percieve and assert its existence.

This is so strange yet so true. Change in Perception opens up an entirely new alien world to us which ob, always existed, but just shielded by our own perception of the world (and our-selves!). That is, My reality may be very much different from that of my own brother! And it is this change in perception that divides this world into seemingly infinite yet finite "I"s. And
the reason why this word "conflict" exists in this world! (?).
As Deepak Chopra says in his book, "The physical World, including our bodies, is a response of the observer. We create our own bodies as we create the experience of the world".

What is the Real Reality?

--Shruti

The Land Where No One Is Old

AGELESS BODY, TIMELESS MIND
--Deepak Chopra

"The Land Where No Man Is Old" is a chapter in his book by Deepak Chopra where He mentions a WORD that caught my attention. "Siddhartha" by Herman Hesse.
Herman Hesse, in his novel, using Siddhartha (the central character) as the mediator communicates his view of spirituality and enlightenment very beautifully.
An excerpt from this Chapter (actually, its an excerpt from the novel "Siddhartha")

"At the end of the novel, Siddhartha speaks about his learnings with his oldest friend and companion, Vasudeva (the ferryman) :

"Have you also learned that secret for the river; that there is no such thing as time?"
A bright smile spread over Vasudeva's face. "Yes , Siddhartha. Is this what you mean? That the river is everywhere at the same time, at the source and at the mouth, at the waterfall, at the ferry, at the current, in the ocean, in the mountains, everywhere, and that the present only exists for it, not the shadow of the past, nor the shadow of the future?"
"That is it", said Siddhartha, "and when I learned that, I reviewed my life, and it was also a river, and Siddhartha the boy, Siddhartha the mature man and Siddhartha the old man, were only seperated by shadows, not through reality"
He spoke with delight, but Vasudeva just smiled radiantly at him and nodded in agreement. "

Wow! Isnt it beautiful? I realised one thing atleast. There is a lot of power in what is called Will Power. I've been searching for this book "Siddhartha" ever since I read this Chapter in Deepak Chopra's excellent book. And the funny part is Today itself, we got a mail that MATRIX is going to review this book! My happiness is boundless right now, because I finally got hold of this ebook! It was Just a Click away.

What do I learn from this? Simply that, Most of the answers to our questions lie within and around our immediate surroundings. The only thing which lacks is Awareness.

I've been thirstily searching for a book to read, that'd quench my thirst for experiencing the feeling of completeness, the feeling of satisfaction. Now I've got TWO books with me
AGELESS BODY, TIMELESS MIND (By Deepak Chopra)
SIDDHARTHA (By Herman Hesse)

Search is Complete!

--Shruti

The Touch

The room so dark..
The room so grim..
The room so gloomy
was once so lively

He sits in that corner..
in a cryptic subsitence..
Unsure of his present..
he questions his existence..

He sits in the dark..
deciphering the silence..
Ah Silence!..
the self created delusion..

Her Laughter Echoes in the dark..
and he knows that its in his mind..
He feels her presence near..
and lo! there she is.. Hear!

He sees her in the dark..
stepping back into the dark..
The Angelic glare..
dissolving into the dark..

He longs to touch..
her flowing golden hair..
crowning, her angelic glare
but she fades.. silently..

He fights his illusions..
and the echoes in his mind,
But his mind weaves a pattern..
A pattern of his past

The withered dying rose..
which now lay in his hands..
conjures up the fond
memories of the past..

He sits in the dark..
deciphering the silence..
Unsure of his present..
he questions his existence..

He stares at the dark..
His WORLD so DARK..
He feels her presence near..
and lo! there she is.. Hear!

She comes to him again..
Smiles at him again..
The Angelic glare..
lits the room bright again..

and he sees himself again..
in the light again..
With the light getting stronger,
he feels her presence near..

She is close to him now..
Illuminating the DARK..
Illuminating his WORLD,
She Touches his Heart..

He sees her again..
stepping back into the light..
The Angelic glare..
dissolving into the light..

She is HOPE..
And HOPE is she..
SHE.. who Touched him
SHE.. who illuminated him

The Touch..
is what he felt..
A Hope..
is what he saw..

The room so dark..
The room so grim..
The room so gloomy
HOPE will always be lively

--Shruti

!

Random Thoughts generated in my head.. collected over a period of time..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Word.. nothing but a feeling..
"You" and "I".. nothing but words..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do I prefer being an observer..
for the love of being an observer?
OR
for being a bad communicator?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When in Solitude,
Experience..
not Solitude..
But Loneliness..

This is because, unless you dont experience loneliness, you wont be able to open your eyes to things that surround you and ARE of importance. Once you are lonely (not alone and got exhausted of excessive thinking), you will see that your cupboard needs cleaning.. or, its been quite a while since u played piano! And.. you will see that you actually are NOT lonely, Nature is with you.. It wont leave you lonely ever..
Nothing is as intoxicating as a ride on your bicycle, at night, on a lonely road, feeling the cool night breeze brushing your face and the moon leading and lighting your path..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do I like to PLAY with words?
No, I like the WORD play
PLAY, is what we do.. with the Truth..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Word.. nothing but a Feeling..
A Feeling.. nothing but a word..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

People gave me a name..
A name that tells, I am ME..
The name is not important..
But my Existence is..
I was born nameless
But I'll die with that name

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--Shruti

Nothing..? Sure..?

Is this Magic?

....Mathematisation
...........Manipulation
.....................Illusion?

Man! And he [our MMP sir] created Something out of Nothing using simple manipulation! He extracted Some thing out of this non-existent quantity.. Zero!
Is this Magic?
No! Its Mathematics.. but yeah! Its a Magical Mathematical Beauty


So.. Next time if you hear youself say "The Solution to this problem is NOTHING", Just explore that nothing. You'll surely find something in that nothing!
Is this Magic?
No! Its searching for a solution by application of mind [if brain doesnt help much!] to explore various paths that have a potential Way to land up in a solution. Once the mind catches hold of the right path, LO! Can u see that pretty SOLUTION waving at u with enthusiasm?


Is this Magic?
Yes..
........It is

--Shruti

CHOICE

"Given a Choice, Choose what you love to do; and in the absence of it, start loving whatever you HAVE to do"
This is what my dad believes in and advises during the appropriate moments. [Its not that I dont agree with it.. I actually do.. Agree..]

WOW! So, is that the only choice that exists? Choosing between Real love [for the choice made] and forced love[for the choice made]? How can I start loving The Thing [outcome of the choice made out from a box having limited options] which actually disinterests me and cant keep me glued to itself?
Limited Choice is often encountered in life when big important decisions have to be made! And this always calls in for tremendous brainstorming for eliminating the confusion of what Choice would make forced love less forced. Anyhow, A Choice has to be made eventually and has to be lived with, till its existence is significant. Now, If the forced love turns to Real, Well and good; And if it doesnt, I always have another Choice....
....Pretension....

But, Why would I choose Pretence over Truth? Simply because it works! And maybe this Pretence might turn out to be the Truth with the progression time [which obviously will be having good outcome]

So..
Pretension.. better than Truth?

---------------------------------------------------------------

CHILL!

Your Fat, Bald Boss comes to your terminal, weirdly dressed, absolutely beaming about his up-to-date fashion!
Boss: Wow! I never knew that people would love my fashion sense.. Just look at everybody.. They look awe-struck.. I never knew that I could make Heads Turn! Look at YOU! You look stunned even now.. Do I look that good?
You: Yess Boss! [Man! Isnt Pretension better than truth! ;)]

---------------------------------------------------------------

--Shruti

Beta-Phi!

A few quotes.. So funny!

• I'm confusing dividing and multiplying. It happens occasionally. (!)
• And then you say "Eureka, the solutions to this equation are in table 8.1 in Griffiths!" (Hehe)
• Quantum mechanics is all hocus pocus...and it's all true. (yep!)

For more quotes, Click Here

Beauty!

An Eagle.. Gliding.. High above.. Touching the sky.. Oblivious of astonishing eyes staring at it.. Oblivious of living creatures down earth shreiking and admiring this thing of Beauty!
It continues Gliding.. Gliding over the Chapora Fort,Goa while these living creatures pause to click pictures.. Exclaiming.. "Ah.. What a Beauty!"
This Solitary Glide-r will continue to Glide.. Its eagle-sharp eyes always scanning and protecting the Fort..
The Solitary Glide-r will continue to Glide..
.....Loving its Solitary Freedom.....
While I stare at it in awe, oblivious of my existence and see these words escape my mouth..
"Ah.. What a Beauty!"

--Shruti

HALT-Stop Right There

There I saw two distant figures with their faces [eyes?] pointing in my direction. A feeling of recognition dawned on me and I felt an urge to strenghten my intution. This thought got overpowered by my will-power of experiencing a few moments of absolute silence in solitude. So, instead of going straight to 3115, I climbed up the stairs and entered 3245. In an attempt to save electricity, I switched off all the lights and fans excepting 1 fan [Yesterday's interaction obviously awed me to a great extent, strenghtening my future plans and aims]. As I turned back to get seated, I saw the two figures approaching me with a look of surprise on their faces.

"Yaar, aaj OR ki class cancel ho gayi hai kya?" asked one of them. "Tu yahaan kya kar rahi hai?" asked another.
"Pata nahi yaar mujhe.. main yahaan aise hi aayi thi yaar.. " i replied.
"Oh.. humne socha tha ki shayad shruti ko pata hoga ki class ka kya huva.. shayad room shift kiya ho sir ne" responded one of them.
I smiled..
"Waise tu itni subah yahaan kya kar rahi hai.. subah subah insti aake bhi class ke badle khaali room mein [with a smirk on face cuz it was followed by some silly joke]". said one of them
"Yaar.. Bas.. Thodi shaanti chahiye thi.."
"Toh ghar pe kya Rock bands perform kar rahe hain?" [hehe]
"Arey, gen yaar" [I love the word "Gen"]
...the convo continued and I ended up in my friend's room in MB from 3245...

Sometimes, Its so hard to make others see and believe in the reason for which you do certain things. But then, why do you want them to believe in your reason? Why do you want to convince them into seeing truth in your reason when they have alternate reasons perfectly describing The Things in a different way? When they are already so convinced of their reason, then, whats the use of convincing them to see alternate truth? It would be a pointless use of energy and its best given the command: HALT-STOP RIGHT THERE!

Well, in my case The Thing was Shruti's presence in the room 3245. I was there because I wanted to re-experience something that's a rarity for me.. Something that doesnt come to me at home (I can no way go to it.. It has to come to me).. Something that struck me as a lightening a few days back, in the room 3245.. that Awed me.. that shocked me.. It was a manifestation.. was it real? I do not know..

I was gazing at a distant tree enjoying the beauty of nature.. soft sunshine [around 9 am] falling carelessly on the leaves.. the subtle rustling of the leaves.. and my conversation with me.. i.e my thoughts..
<--Thoughts related to 'thinking process and how our MIND creates Imaginary yet valid links'--> "Talking with me is so Great.. So Natural.. So pure.. So uninfluenced.. So Self-Revealing..
Sometimes, Communication between me and me HALTS (Stops Right There!).. Landing ME into Silence.. ME? Yes, Me.. My soul..
Oh!! Its soo peaceful, these moments of absolute purity, least chaos (in mind), inexpressible Happiness, the steady and calm rythmic breathing.. The feeling of Self-Acceptance.. Wow!! Its Awesome..
--> I am a state of Turmoil-less existance and its Perfect.."
This happened a few days back when all my thoughts just dissolved into nothingness for some time.. I was just gazing outside, absolutely at peace with myself and the things around me.. and then the lightening struck.. I realised that its been some while since the last thought struck me [damn.. why did this realisation come to me?].. I still dont know if it happened for real.. But whatever it was, I really enjoyed that feeling.. that feeling of getting lost in blankness.. in nothingness..

Afterall, Feelings cant be reached out to.. they come to you!
Similarly, Thoughts flow freely in mind.. You cant expect any response on pressing your mind to stop Thinking..
Thinking: HALT-Stop Right There

--Shruti

CHANGE-A-GAIN

Change Again.. AND Change - A gain..

I dont know what is making me write this on a beautiful afternoon like today. Its just a strange mystic urge to write something. The day was fine today except from the perplexing thought [that evolved recently] that kept swaying in and out of my conciousness.

How can a person change drastically in a two-months time [PS-I period]? Well, I did [Atleast I think that I did].. How? I started giving importance to small things that always escaped my notice before.. I started being more organised.. I was closer to me, my inner soul.. I started valueing Things and People.. I became quiter.. became less aggressive.. and more matured(!)..

But this is not the thought that kept popping in my mind.. It was the enormous rate at which we see ourselves evolve with progression in time. The pure enigmatic way that change continuosly changes..
Then do I mean to say that being back in pilani violated the constancy of change princliple in just a months time? NO!
Then do I mean to say that I changed again after coming back? NO!
Well, these two statements though may not show signs of consistency, they actually do.. The whole concept gets clearer when the concept of CHANGE is defined properly

So, what is CHANGE?
Here, The change which comes into focus is

• Evolution [Self vs Self interaction].. self evolution.. in terms of self realisation and the change in basic point of view of viewing things/people/relations....
  This change is no doubt more subtle and in many cases doesnt cross the boundaries of SELF. That is to say, This Change is rarely noticable to the Universe apart from THE self and the changes witnessed just become permanent as the new layers keep on adding.. BUT the rate of addition of a new layer is pretty slow. that is to say, when This change occurs, it stays for a long while and sure is ROCK STRONG!
• Surface Changes [Self v/s World interaction].. Ahaan, there are many factors responsible for this change! Mood, Environment, People in the close vicinity, Current scenario... to name a few factors. These no doubt are clearly visible to the non-self elements and clearly are visible to the self too.. BUT these changes find themselves changing at a very fast rate and hence cant be called ROCK STRONG!

Phew, so this means, I continuosly AND simultaneously Change [suface changes] as well as Not Change [evolution] !!

Well, Now that the catagorisation is done, I now want to view it in a non-biased way.. i.e, in non catagorised way..
Now, we all observe mean deviation in our behaviour from the natural behaviour in a group.. [Natural behaviour: our tendency to react to situations in solitude]. A person best exhibits his individualism when alone.. because then nobody is there around to assess, comment, modify or influence the thinking and the natural behaviour!

So, It means when we behave differently, we do so not because we TEND to but simply because we HAVE to??

-- Shruti

Classy?

I m just more CLASSY than I am QUANTA!
Why is that I search for truth in the Classical concepts when the Quantum concepts answer questions which the other cant explain? Why do I sense more beauty in Classical behaviour of systems?

"Henry Stapp (1995) argues that "classical mechanics is not constitutionally suited to accommodate consciousness, whereas quantum mechanics is" (abstract). This, he asserts, is because of "certain logical deficiencies" that are not present in quantum mechanics (1.3). The ground advanced for this claim is that classical mechanics holds that a "physical system is to be conceived of as fundamentally a conglomerate of simple microscopic elements each of which interacts only with its immediate neighbors" (2.12). In particular, a classical description of a system will include a description of field values at points in the system, but these descriptions record only what is going on at each of the points, and not features of the system as a whole."

okay, I dont know who Henry Stapp is, just happened to stumble upon this article..

Well.. "physical system is to be conceived of as fundamentally a conglomerate of simple microscopic elements each of which interacts only with its immediate neighbors".. hmmn.. but then its done to simplify the behavior of that particular system and arrive at solutions.. Seeing the whole picture [which is non-classy] is very very difficult if you are close to the picture.. Cuz then the picture becomes too large n complicated..

Its practically very difficult to appreciate the Quantum beauty.. maybe because, my intution is better than my mathematics.. And the mind happens to favor the intution!
Should really do something about it..
cuz..
I m just more CLASSY than I am QUANTA!

--Shruti

?

..and her eyes brimmed with tears..
What was i supposed to do? [It was heartbreaking to see her breakdown..]
Let those tears trickle down her cheeks? [Silence is the biggest support..]
Give her a napkin to wipe them off [damn.. why dont i keep a handkerchief?]
Silently listen to her and let her hurt herself more? [Is silence really THE biggest support?]

A Few minutes before..
..Chal yaar, Sky chaltein hain.. classroom ka atmosphere bahut ajeeb lag raha hai..
And we went to sky and after a lot of walking [though sky doest provide much scope for walking..], We finally spotted a place to sit and study. She was already looking a bit LOW so I dint ask her what the matter was.. But i wasnt able to see her that way!

A Few minutes later..
..tujhe pata hai kya shruti..
Phew! She told me "the matter" on her own.. It was stiffling me to see her like that [Did I want her to tell me.. for her? (so that she'd feel Light) OR for me? (to get rid of the stiffling feeling?)].. And we dint realise when the whole hour vaporised.. It was the matter that every human being experiences in the course of their life.. What was that matter?
.......Living!!.......

Strange are the ways of the world and Stranger still is the fact that people yet survive the strangeness!

..and her eyes brimmed with tears.. And what did I do?
I let her continue [its better sometimes to let the feelings flow..] and put my hand on her shoulder [Assumption: What works for me might work for others too..].. She wiped her cheeks and replied smilingly "I am Fine".. but obviously she was NOT <unfortunately>.. We discussed IT more and proceeded for the MMP [Methods of Mathematical Physics] class.. [She was smiling in the class.. Thank You Sir.. :)..]

After the discussion with her.. The Thing which I strongly felt being a hosteler [During the PS-I period] silently climbed up my mind and everything got refreshed [yes, it sounds pretty dramatic but this is what happened, as if something was reeling back the time and taking me in the past].

What is that thing?
As I wrote before> LIVING..
LIVING in a society v/s LIVING in ownself
Its so entirely different! We always feel that the world tends to see us in much different light than we see ourselves and they react according to what they see.

Well, I wont go into what we discussed [ofcourse 'cuz its personal.. and I dont have any right to exploit her right of secrecy].
So..

Signing off
Shruti