If only

The weather was so pleasant. He always liked to walk down that path, with his footsteps dancing on the music of chirruping birds. Little playful birds. These long walks gave him a reason to enjoy the company of his thoughts, to retrospect, to laugh... most of the times at himself, to smirk for the reasons he wished he knew not... but he did.

...to cry...
But he never had a reason. He was so happy.

He told her,
"I like you so much, I love you"

He knew she didn't.

The pleasant weather, the sweet music, the little playful birds, those soft hands that he once held... seemed so distant.

He looked down. His shadow seemed longer than him in the eternal sand around. Long enough to touch his footwear that he left behind so long back.

The desert sand was burning his bare feet.
"If only I never had a reason"

The sun now shone harder... he let his feet sink deeper into the inferno...
"If only I knew how to cry"

Blue shade

The room looked all blue. Perhaps it was because he kept the blue translucent curtains pulled down always, subtly letting the blue filtered sun rays stream into the room.

He was glad that he'd chosen plain blue shade for the curtains. As when it was pulled down, the ambiance his room wore, gave him a sense of belonging. His room became pure... darker, gloomier, quiet yet full of latent turmoil... yes, so dark that it was hard to see.

He thought of risking a peep out through the curtains... Oh! It was way too bright... it felt his eyes get hurt. He pulled himself back into the room. It was comforting. He felt blue again.

Blue was good.

Lift

Thursday, March 13, 2008

LIFT

She was so small. It was afterall her first time. Was she scared? Was she apprehensive about the choice, no, the desicion made for her? Was she excited?

She strained her neck to look at the top of the building. It was a huge one. She clutched her mom's hand, more for the warmth the touch had. The warmth that gave her a feeling of being taken care of. The warmth that made her feel safe. The doors slid open. Her mom smiled and both of then entered the lift.

The lift.
It was all so bright and gloomy inside. Too many people, just so many. They were talking... in loud tones, in hushed tones... Some were laughing, whereas some were crying. It felt like she was a silent witness to a huge grinding mill, with the sound buzzing in her ears... It was all so blurry and dizzy... The confusion was stiffling her. She wanted to cry... wanted to crawl back.. back to the warmth... the feeling of safety... the feeling of sleeping in a womb.

First floor.
It seemed too far away. Mommy had told her that it is their first destination. She didnt know what that meant. She was curious... very curious. She was waiting to get there, but the lift was yet to start... to move upwards... to gain momentum. She saw the doors getting shut. There was no turning back now... She can't go below the ground floor. This building just didnt have that facility.

Jerk.
She felt as if she was getting squeezed... too much pressure...! She rubbed her eyes, as she wiped off a hot tear that made way through her fragile cheeks. Just when she thought that she was going to break, she felt a jerk... and it was alright again. It was afterall just an initial inertial jerk. She started searching for her mom... and in the process, bumped into another kid. She was so much fun. They started playing. She looked up to see her mommy laughing and chatting with her "friend's" mommy. She was happy... her mom smiled at her, a smile that came`from a distance.

Flying.
It felt as if she was flying. The feeling lasted for not more than 4 seconds... it felt familiar... like her first experience in the lift, but strangly exactly opposite... She was already in the first floor. How time flies! She looked around. It was the first time that she had noticed the change. Perhaps she had become too comfortable to comprehend and take notice of her surroundings. She was told that she looked pretty. Some said, "wow, hasnt the baby grown wiser and matur-er?". The other kid (who didnt talk and look like a kid any more) bid her adieu. She wanted her to stay. Wanted to pull her back into her lift, but her outline slowly faded into oblivion as the doors started to close. But she somehow felt that her image, her memories wont see the same end. Was she happy? Was she scared? Was she apprehensive about the choice, no, the desicion made for her?
Somebody pushed the button for the second floor. Was she excited?

She was suddenly so small again. Yet to be woken up from her reverie/ her dream.
Life - The dream of/for an unborn... wish it was easy to understand.