I sometimes wonder why people trust others so easily? How could they trust someone with their inner thoughts, their fears, their perception of the things around them...?
Do i prompt them to do that? Do i make them feel comfortable with such topics? Do i force them into speaking out? or does the silence take onto them and they break it by opening up? Dont they feel strange speaking out things? I've heard this statement so many times "I dont know why i am telling all this to you, Shruti". Even i dont have a clue. I rarely give advice (cuz i cant do that, 'cuz they dont need that), i rarely speak in response to their talk (excepting to a very few of them, but maybe they also dont need that) but i listen carefully and patiently. Maybe they need a listening ear, maybe a friend who can understand. I am not sure if i completely understand, maybe i do, maybe i dont, or maybe i misinterpret (quite possible) what they say. Maybe they know that and they dont need to be understood... Maybe as people say, its easier to open in front of a stranger... maybe i am that stranger... maybe they need a listening ear. I am a cold being, rarely affected by anything and rarely having an opinion. For good or bad... no idea!
[But I also care... i also have feelings... i am also emotional... (okay i wouldnt cry if i get bad grades.. baah whatever)].
But that's not the point. The point is that why do they trust? How do they trust? Can i trust anyone like that? No! I simply cant. Not anyone in the world but my mom. Yes, I am a cold being, rarely affected by anything and rarely having an opinion. But it works for me. It does. But why cant i trust? Maybe i just dont want to get hurt. Maybe i am scared of taking that risk. It just doesnt come to me
Life has changed a lot after 2nd year. It has, to an extent that was unimaginable. I was so different before. God! It makes me feel as if i have become an anti-old shruti. A total contradiction of what i was 2 years back. But, i like it this way. i like it cuz, ... ... ... ... !
If i feel reluctant opening up, what am i doing here? Hmm... maybe as people say "its easier to open up in front of strangers"... maybe that is what is happening here. I dont know if anyone will read this, but that hardly matters. If it doesnt matter, then why is this put up online? Hmm, talking to oneself is not bad. Maybe i just want to be heard. No matter who listens. Even, If no one is reading this, i can hear my own echo... my own voice getting bounced back in this valley of silence. Its all messy. But, no problems.
'cause there is beauty in breakdown? ...
... yea, there is beauty in breakdown! ...
...[Let go by Frou Frou]
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
...
so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
...
Shruti
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