Apprehension

It feels so strange to be disarmed completely in an area which we know is a weak area for us. So when we (myself and Amrita) were talking, i felt as if i am NOT working for what i believe in and want to do. I know what i want to do but am scared. Death scared.

Yes, I am having this laid-back attitude and am blaming 'confusion' to be the cause of this attitude. I am not confused, but i just dont do what i strongly want to do. Reason, FEAR. Why? Okay, there are reasons but now they seem simply like excuses. Irritating excuses to make me feel that 'yea shruti, these are the reasons which wouldnt allow you to step into your quest, so just shup up and sit down. No need of doing anything thinking yourself to be too smart. You just are NOT'.

CG is bad. I know. But, is trying bad? Why am i so scared? Why dont i interact? Why doesnt a single prof know me? That's because i dont try. Simply dont do that. Deadlines already gone and but there is one more institute left - IIA Kodikanal (Thanks Amrita for letting me know). Deadline is 31st march. Not much of time. But i will try. I'm not sure if i'll get good recommendation letters, but i will request. I will try. I have to try. Wasted lots of years, not anymore. No more.