Incoherent thoughts

:> Here I sit, waiting for my mind to make up its mind to finish off the work as soon as possible
:> Here I sit, listening to "everything" over and over again
:> Here I sit, staring at this 19" hp 9500 monitor nonstop and hearing my fingers type
:> Here I sit, feeling my feet get colder and numb-er with each passing moment
:> Here I sit, looking at the teeny weeny board work I did today
:> Here I sit, thinking about what I am not, what I don't have, and what all I've not achieved yet (okay, not achieved anything, but then...)
:> Here I sit, realizing that I've become a part of this set of inanimate pieces of wood and metal (furniture) surrounding me
:> Here I sit, wishing for something to move the maddening silence
:> Here I sit, to feel what it feels like to feel alive (yeah, yeah, lifehouse)
<: Here I sit
















voluntarily trapping myself in the jungle of incoherent thoughts

Astonishing...

Yeah! it really is..

I have a very strange habit of sticking to computer excessively during the time of comprees, browsing through net, downloading music and ebooks, reading articles on people or science or cartoon strips or blogs.. wait! blogs!

Oh god! I love reading blogs.. maybe because, they tell you how actually a person is from inside. It exposes you to his/her world. The blogs which one writes, for the self, what the self feels at that point of time (or maybe at some other point of time) cant be false? Can they be? Well, i so hope the answer is NO, of course its not totally true which is a sad thing.

There are some blogs which have tons and tons of jokes and funny anecdotes/ stories.. some blogs which are like online diaries.. some studded with philosophical/analytical stuffs.. but all tell something about the person the particular blog is connected with.

Well, the thing which i noticed, is that, though different blogs seem different for each person, i can picture myself in their places. Okay, maybe our point of view may not be much in agreement, but the thing is that, they might make me wonder.. "yep, why is this also not possible?".

But now, what is even more astonishing is that..

Just read a post in a blog, which is a replica of the thoughts which i had in my mind (well, that'd be a few days back.. its there in my comp, but dint publish it, for the fear of seeming strange.. can this blog anyway get any stranger?), making me wonder, wow maybe i am not all that different.. maybe i am also like many other people in this world, who have exactly the same thinking!

Anyways, that post is still astounding me to a great great extent! So better start Qmech now.

Still astonished..

Shruti

7th dec 2006: Wrote this post then, 9 months back! Why publishing now? Ah gen, feel like. Been reading my unpublished posts on blogspot, and trying to recall why i didn't post them. But, i cant remember the reasons now! And btw, which and who's post had astonished me? I don't remember!

Shruti

Window

Long time.

I've not been busy. And I've missed blogging so much.
Then why did i not blog? Been too lazy to type down a few words?
Yes.

I've met new people in a past few months. Some who showed me a new way of thinking, some who left me in awe and some who washed away my notions of how certain people should be like. Have i changed again? hmm, maybe not exactly, but yeah surely realised new things.
Like hema said, am talking a lot (something that i never did much of, before).

Placements almost started. Do i want a job? No, I dont. Then why am i sitting for them?
Just because am not sure of my future? because am not confident enough of going for phd? Because my parents want me to? yeah, but the weight attached to each of these factors is too low. Maybe that's why am not even working hard towards getting placed. Then why am i sitting for them? What happened to my belief of taking risks? Will i now try to escape? will i try to justify what i am doing now is more mature? No, I dont want to. If playing safe is called maturity, then i detest this kind of maturity. But still, i'll try acting "mature". WHY? WHY? WHY?

Some changes just hurt so much.

Friendship. I never had full confidence in this word. Maybe, i still dont. But staying away from home (though for a few weeks), made me realise how much people believe in it. How much some people value it. Sometimes, even i feel like having such friends. Of trusting someone 100%. But now, i surely have started having more faith in people. Atleast now, i share some things with people.

Some changes just lift up our spirits.

I wont say Kodaikanal made my personality take a full 180 degree turn, but it sure did add more to the way i think, how i view people, on what basis i judge them, and how i see life.

And... maybe... falling in love neednt be a big issue at all. Its just natural.

"You live in a dreamworld Shruti, snap out of it", i've heard that a zillion times, and now, when i see myself drifting away from my dreamworld, it just makes me laugh. I am just losing it. Please come back. Dont leave me.

Does entering the real world mean throwing away the dreams rather than making them a reality? It is more wiser? Damn, it is. Playing safe!

No, am not frustated, neither am confused (or maybe i am!). Just realised that i still do have my dreamworld and it sure is beautiful and alive. Maybe i am drifting away from it, but something is always there to pull me back. I dont know what attracts me to it again and again. Is it magical? Maybe...

Window!

Hem line

The day'd be bad only if you are awake to experience it.
-------------------------------------------------
The day'd be good only if you are awake to experience it.

Which side of the hem line do you choose?