Latched

She unlatched the door, went in and latched it from the inside.

The water was warm enough, warm enough for her to take bath in the cold winter evening. The day was too busy, her shoulders were aching, eyes were sore and hands were tired beyond limits.

She went inside the bathtub, there was no cork, there never was. She closed the tap, the bucket was full, the water was warm... no, it was hot. She untied her hair, and fixed her grip on the closed tap. She took head bath.

She was free now. Atleast for a few days. She had taken leave to attend her college friend, Mita's marriage. It was a long time since she'd met her, just a few mails... roughly twice in 4 months is all they exchanged in last 3 years. They'd been "best" of friends then, they'd been roommates, shared everything... joys, sorrows, jokes. They'd shared their world... Mita's world. She remembered how Mita had been back then, so lively, smart and pretty. She had a way with words, could keep anyone engaged in a conversation for hours long, she could go on and on talking about anything. She was a very enthusiastic girl and used to laugh so very often, no wonder she had a huge fan following. When teased about it, she used to just say "Me and him? Its like a princess and a hippo!". For Mita, crushes were like flavours, you need to try as many as possible without getting addicted to any, and if you find yourself not getting bored of a particular taste, then, that's the flavour for you! She didnt like Mita's attitude, told her how many hearts she'd break with this funda of hers, but Mita always used to say "You take life too seriously, take off your glasses and clear your view, untie your hair and let it fly, break the barrier girl, what's with you and your cold nature? I sometimes wonder, if you fake that you dont have any feelings, or are you actually this cold to people!". She'd just laugh and say "Haha Mita, hasnt god given my share of warmth to you? As you say, Lite lo! We've got an assignment to submit, remember? Will get back to it now!". Mita would jump in her own bed and say "I'll copy your assignment tomorrow, am off to sleep, I guess you can only fall in love with your assignments, atleast take off your goddam grandma glasses, you look really horrible in them, get designer ones".

Designer ones... now she'd gotten rid of her grandma glasses, wore contact lenses now. Yes, she'd changed in these three years, as in, her looks, the way she interacted with people, her boosted professional attitude, but from the inside, she was still the same... as Mita put it... cold... not to herself... but cold... to people. Mita never discovered that. Nobody did. She just wasnt verbose enough when it came to her self.

Mita's wedding, she wasnt very excited about it. Just that she got a break, it felt nice. There was no hurry. She decided to enjoy her bath. No hurry at all. She refilled her bucked with water. She sat cross-legged in her bathtub and dipped her hands and elbows in the water. Water was warm-hot. It was burning her skin a little. Did she really mind? She actually felt nice, it was cold outside. Naah, not that cold, it was just the onset of winter. Not that cold. But she felt nice, her hands gradually became warmer. She kept staring at her hands, how funny they looked, once inside the water, waving, getting distorted by the water ripples, getting wrinkled... she felt her hands... her palms getting numb, they no longer felt warm. Equillibrium. Damn! She hated it. She hated it cuz she didnt understand it. She didnt understand why at all should there be uniformity. Should she be like Mita? Why? What is nature's problem if her hands stayed colder than the water here? Why cant it let it be? Was she angry? Angry at nature? No, she wasnt, infact, this wasnt even bothering her. Why did she always escape? Why didnt Mita try to dig her as hard as she did with Mita? Why was she so cold to people? Why, couldnt she open up to Mita? Mita was a good friend, who never laughed at anyone, she was not a sadist like others in her wing. Mita had tried to pull her out of herself, but had failed. That was because, she herself always had put the thought away, she always convinced herself that the person she wanted didnt exist.

But he did. She felt her back getting cold. She pulled her elbows out of the water, crossed them over each other and placed her head over her right arm. Her face was cold. She touched her neck, it was colder. Or was it that her palms were warm? As if she cared. She placed her arms back in the water and dipped her head in the water. It was all translucent, she could barely see her palms. A few strands of hair fell in the water. She was getting breathless, so lifted her head and took a deep breath. A few locks of hair still remained in the water, she looked at them. How funny they looked. Once inside the water, they wouldnt stay together, but the same water glued them together outside. She saw how her hair "flew" in the water. She gently touched a few "flying" strands, they simply "flew" more. It was funny but amusing. She felt free. Is this what Mita meant? No. Mita didnt talk of this freedom, Mita didnt even know if this kind of a freedom existed. Or, did she? She didnt care now. She felt synonymous with the way her hair behaved in presence of water. She would free herself to herself once inside, she would fly when nobody's around, but outside, she'd stick back to one piece and be the predictable and productive one. She didnt want to think about him. Why should she? After 3 years, when she didnt even know where he was, what he was doing... she did want to think about him. He had touched her where nobody ever did and she wondered if anybody ever could. It had taken her quite a while to talk to him, to laugh with him, to actually like him, perhaps a whole year. Did that matter anyways? He had beautiful thoughts, beautiful stories to tell, nobody could ever touch and stimulate her mind like he did. Yes, she talked with him almost as much as she did with Mita, but there always was a barrier. She was always very controlled with him as well. Sometimes she felt the strange tension developing between them, but then, she would just turn oblivious to it. Did he too? Did he like her? Maybe he did like her, and she did too, but like a true friend. Who was she kidding? The wait. Perhaps it was too long. He was a beautiful person, not with striking looks, as Mita used to comment when all three used to gen put lacha "I would've made you my boyfriend, if you looked better". He used to say "My good luck that I am not!". She always had a strange satisfaction that he never fell for Mita, she secretely thought of him as her possession. She realised that he had not only touched her mind, but her heart as well. She wished she'd touched him too.

She took the mug and poured the water over her head. Did that over and over again till all the water got finished. She sat there for a while. Her body dried. It was not hot anymore. She never was. She started shivering a bit. It was cold. She was getting cold.

She was cold. She wrapped the towel around herself and latched the door again...
...wondering if anyone will ever be able to open it.