LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!!

Isnt it?? Then why does this feeling fade away with time or maybe show its existence after a long GAP?? well, whatever is the case, its my favourite advice (which i give to people.. :)... am i capable of givin advices????..ummmmm).. but then, its not actually an advice, its like consoling.. Well, whatever it is, it does boost up our energy.. is it possible to attach this feeling to ourselves till the end of eternity?? can we convince ourselves that "LIFE IS NEVER UNFAIR TO US"??? if the answer is "yes", then wow!! LIFE indeed IS always BEAUTIFUL... one thing which i never understood is WHY DO WE CELEBRATE OUR BIRTHDAYS?? yea, they are fun, but why do we celebrate?? That's one doubt which i dont think will ever ever get clarified :(.... but still, today is my birthday, n dad gifted me a mobile.. its gorgeous :)...
Whatever!! i am pretty happy today n this heat and dust cant brush off my happiness today... but then, why am i suddenly so happy?? is it because of 15th may??? naaah.. :).. happiness doent come on a Specific DATE n TIME... it comes when it feels like surprisin us.. hmmnn.. okay.. crossed the limits of sanity again..
so signin off... (smiling)

--Shruti

PLEASANT SURPRISE!!

How does it feel when a sweet truth collides head on with your awareness and takes u by surprise?? especially if u already knew it but just cudnt acknowlegde it somehow!! (sounds strange n eerie...!!).. but still it does happen.. and like any normal human being, surprise chooses me as its victim.. My sweetheart (my bro "abhinav" aka "abhi" aka "chanty"(i gave him that name.. it really pisses him off.. hehe) aka "bevakoof" aka "abs" aka "idiot" aka.. okay GUSS!! :D) comes up with an astonishning statement >> "shruti, tum seriously itni badi ho gayi kya??".. whaaaat??!! you dunt get to hear those kind of words from a 15 year old KID!! :O..(suits elder people better ;P...) i was like "huh??".. he continued "so when are gonna leave for PS?".... i replied >> "in arnd 10 days... why??".. and he says "oh.. for how long??" (i was actually enjoyin it.. he sounded senti!! :O.. i neva saw him senti FOR ME!!)... the reply was "for arnd two months..".. he then says something which i neva eva expected "what am i gonna do for so long then?? have u really grown this big??"... oops!! i dint knw wht to say... dint want to sound silly too else he'd hv stared his really irritating acts again.. hes so irritating yet i am gonna miss him!! oh gawd.. this is so strange!!.. well.. i laughed n said... "ahaan. so you are gonna miss ur idiot sister huh??? hahaha".. he said "of course!!"... before i could reply.. i heard my mom calling out for me.. i ran downstairs.. she asked me "tum dono baat kar rahe ho kya??".. i replied "no.. am goin to study maa".. i came back to my room.. n we studied.. no more talkin :D...
well.. it makes me think.. im gonna miss mom.. those silly fights with her... her cooking (she used to make yummy items at odd timings..)... those chats with her... the way she counts my galtiyaan.. her favourite phrase "chadooko chadooko chadooko [translation >> study study study ]"..
im gonna miss dad.. his first words when he comes back "DADDY IS HOME".. the way he pampers me with the pens [i love pens!!].. the way he takes me out for an ice cream at 11 PM.. the cool car rides... the cute way of cheerin me up by blackmailin me.. lolz :P [the cute way he puffs up his face n says "shruti, if u r gonna stay this way.. e1 i am gonna do the same"].. hehe.. n givin me the first bite of the yucky mango flavoured iceream [he loves it.. i hate it!!]...
and above all.. i am gunna miss abhinav like hell... no.. i cant miss him.. hez so irritating!! neways.. lets see what happens....

PENSIVE...

There goes a girl with a pretty face and a cute smile waving enthusiastically... her enthusiasm reflects in her voice when she says "hiiiiieeeee di.." infringed with a confident smile... i smile back and a faint voice comes from within, sounding somewhat like small "hi"... tryin to hide my frustration (cuz of successive failure) , a string of equally enthued words (*sigh*) aim at her sayin "kaise ho rahein hain tumhare comprees??".. smile takes a permanent residence on her face making it glow with happiness and confidence... she replies "achche ho rahein hain di.. aapke???".. the last word echoes in my head turning it topsy turvy.. n my reply [>> "kharaab" ] fades to oblivion as she cycles down the road....

LOOKING BACK [contd...]

The sun is shining pretty bright outside.. while i sit here tryin hard to concetrate on SPM.. Thinking about sun, makes me wonder "how can a small mass change result in emission of such huge amount of energy??".. now again.. haunting question keeps on givin me pretty nasty tugs [i wish i knew occulumency ;)] tryin to get an answer to the question >> "What is this Energy??"
I wish i knew what it is.. i wish i had enormous curiosity to get an answer by ponderin over this question more.. i wish i had the WILL power to go and NET search till i get a satisfactory answer.. i wish i could visualise the creation of energy.. i wish i could merge with the nature.. i wish i could understand the beautiful complexities existing in nature.. i wish i cud communicate with nature.. i wish i could learn to love the most hateful things.. i wish i could forgive everyone and everything.. i wish i dint have to study to sustain my body (to keep it alive).. i wish i knew the answers of every possible question... i wish i wish and i wish...

So, DO I BELIEVE in GOD?? if I do then I should believe in SATAN too.. because.. These two BEINGS (easier to visualise them as beings) EXIST in me!!.. and is maybe true for evry mortal being.. a die hard optimist can also not deny this fact.. yesterday's entry was not pretty much clear.. ONCE we throw off the satan from us, us become GOD.. BUT then, We cant be GOD.. why?? because

• GOD is energy and the energy content is so huge in the universe that we cant be a representive of the whole CONSTRUCTIVE energy (similarly this is the reason why noone can be a PURE satan)...
• Its just not possible to throw off the "satan" from our self..

We have the possible alternatives :

--50% of people are created with 100% +ve energy (pure GOD)
--50% of people are created with 100% -ve energy (pure SATAN)

If this is the distribution.. then what happens?? Hmm, if the negative energy initiates its work (work means, starts showin its dominance) , then the +ve energy comes into action and tries to nullify the -ve effect.. as a result.. EVERYTHING PERISHES... SO, this proves that this kind of distribution is not favourable... that is, nobody can be pure GOD or pure SATAN..

• --100 % people are created with 50% +ve energy and 50% -ve energy

if this is the case then though there are chances of everything perishing, still the chances in this case gets scaled down by say K%.. this is because if negetivity does show up, even though internal positivity comes to fight with it.. there are other +ve elements (other beings with +ve energy) too which will try to reduce the effect.. but the distrubution being exact 50%, therefore chances of destruction are still high (sadly)...

• --Uneven Distribution

This the most favourable one, because ENTROPY here is the maximum [ nature does go by maximum entropy rule>> Delta(G) = Delta(H) - T*Delta(S) .. so high "S" means low G.. which is most favourable..] , so what happens is the number of alternatives increase manyfold and lets say move in a GRAPEVINE manner.. entropy increases n hence there are numorous ways of rectifying a conflicting situation with much less energy consumption (ie to say, without much DESTRUCTION).. so in this case survival chances are the maximum..

So what do We conclude?? simple conclusion >> IF YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE GOD AND TRY PROVING IT, THEN I WONT BELIEVE YOU!! :D...

...showing my devotion to spm....
Shruti

LOOKING BACK..

[WHAT IS ENERGY....(subtopic) ]

Well, there are times when we let emotions carry us to some far off non earthly domain snappin the contact from what is called REALITY.. So, is it good.. or is it bad?? is it really necessary to have control over your emotions?? well, if i go by the previous arguments (INTRODUCTION), then it OBVIOUSLY is.. but what if it does something good to us?? What if it tends to induce goodness in us??? is it bad to let everything inside us (-ve feelings like>> sadness, Hurt..) flow out in the form of PURE emotions?? we cant be GOD.. can we?? well by GOD, i mean, energy in its purest form.. +ve energy which radiates only and only goodness.. so if we think that we r GOD.. then it means we gotta be good ALWAYS.. so the question is.. are we good ALWAYS?? OBVIOUSLY NO!! in this regard, i wanna classify enegy as:

• Positive (GOD)
• Negative (SATAN)

Even though i am using the word energy, i am not sure what energy i am talkin about.. Energy means what?? Energy is unique n indestructible so cant be further broken down into catagories.. but still We have beeen catagorising Energy into various forms on the basis of SENSES (if we can see it, its LIGHT energy.. if we can hear it, its SOUND energy.. etc).. but all the forms of energy arise from a single source.. so how can be light energy be diffrent from sound energy?? okay, Thats not the point, all i wanna say is, i dunno what energy is.. n still am using that word... dunno y.. About being GOD.. NO1 can think of being GOD.. y?? because each person has SATAN residing in him.. is it possible to just break away that piece of us from our soul?? I dunt think so.. Goin back to the topic >> EMOTIONs, what kind of energy is involved in the makin of emotions (good / bad)?? cuz, "feeling-good" feeling can arise due to something BAD too.. so it means.. GOD and SATAN have cut off a deal to not let any human being to become PURE GOD or PURE SATAN.. and they do this by inducing EMOTIONS... [am i goin insane??]... but then, why cant any human becom a pure-god or a pure-satan?? simple reason>> because no human can be god or satan.. why?? simply because of the simple universal law >> energy can neither be destroyed nor be created.. (so??).. so no human being has the power to CREATE or DESTROY energy.. so if any1 MODIFIES energy and creates something beautiful it cant be called an invention but a discovery.. an awesome discovery... (because it already existed evr since its creation.. it was only hidden!!) .. [i think, i seem to be goin real insane...]

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[EDIT] : My bro asked me something regarding this.. he said > "shruti, you are gettin confused betweeen discovery and invention.. Consider a "steam engine".. Can you say that steam engine was DISCOVERED??!!" (this sentance follwed by an insane laugh)..
Yeah, my brother is Right, This statement really makes you laugh like anything.. when he first said that, both of us were laughing our wits off..
So, the question is, "Is that an invention or a discovery".. okay, that no doubt is an invention.. but all for me invention is equivalent to discovery.. reason> you MODIFIED the existing raw materials, combined them with SCIENCE n technology, and INVENTED something called "steam engine".. :)
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This is an abrupt end to the train of thoughts, but u gotta have control over your thoughts.. [ i like contradicting myself :) ]..

detaching....
Shruti

INTRODUCTION...

All through the day, there have bn thoughts shoutin at me.. driving me crazy.. but when i have come here to take it all out of the system.. all i can experience is hollowness... blankness... as if the whole mind has erased offf wht all it had stored in the morning....
anyways, Ever since my childhood i'd always wanted to understand the human mind.. how queer is its workin.. it seems rather impossible to know wht ur next THOUGHT IS gonnabe (constructive / destructive)..
What are Emotions?? as much as i try searching for the answer, this OBVIOUS thing puts a halt on my thinking.. the OBVIOUS thing (which you are told right from your childhood) chains ur thinkin and while attempting to break these chaining barriers, u absolutely forget your initial quest.. what was the QUESTION u were pondering over.. so wht is that "OBVIOUS" thing?? well, it is [atleast what i am told] >> "beta, these things cant be understood, but just felt"... Why is it so difficult to CONTROL these emotions?????? well.. they can be >>

• TOO STRONG TO FIGHT WITH: well, some emotions really have the power to blind us such that we become IGNORANT of the OBVIOUS, they make us so numb that we just cant resist the forceful blow they give us.. well, this emotion for example >> "TRUST" (well, its not an emotion but i dunno the exact EMOTION which arises due to TRUST.. so have to compensate somehow), When we trust someone, we tend to ignore this fact that nobody is entirely truthful (no human can be.. thats wht characterises human makeup), so what do we do when we hear something offending about that person?? say that he has done something wrong (now anotherquestion pops up.. wht is wrong n what is right?? but have to leave it to DESTINY when it chosses to give ann answer to).. our 1st thought will be to somehow force our mind to believe that its not the person i am connected to.. maybe its some random guy they're talkin abt.. but when we realise that its HIM, instead of slapping the truth on our face, u think "oh god!! my poor baby.. must get him outta the mess as soon as possible..".. WHYY????? okay, agreed that trust comes from love.. but why does it induce wrong notions in our mind?? are we really so dumb to not see the OBVIOUS??? well this is one reason.. and if, even if we try to break away frm this in order to CLEAR your view of the world, we cant do so.. once we start behaving in NON-HUMAN way, we are really given pretty cool names like "weird", "psychic", "SELFISH (most common)".. n many such interesting ones...
  
  
• MUST BE COMFORTING YOU : This is another domain which goes in favour of EMOTIONS TAKIN CONTROL... A simple example.... I've had an icecream in the scorching heat and finally satisfied my "i-want-an icecream" hunger which has been haunting me while I were writin the ELECTRICAL SCIENCES II comprehensive examination... so how do I feel at the moment, just when I had the last lick of the icecream..??? "wow!! it seems like heaven to me.. where m i?? is it really something called civilisation where i've had the icecream?? neway, WHO THE HELL BOTHERS??!! ICECREAM WAS AWESOME, maybe i am gonna have another one!".. so this feeling called "aesthetic pleasure" takes me away from the real world (wht is real world?? a world of illusions.. crap.. i wont deviate... no i wont deviate.. :)..) .. real world, in the sense, it numbs our worries which at that point of time take a back seat.. so why would anyone want to spoil the absolute sense of happiness and resort back to their messed up life?? (i think that nobody's life is perfect, how hard may we try to seem 2 be happily married to happiness, we never are (another human tendency) , maybe they are the ones who really need some sorta consolation, some sorta reasssurance that they are not lonely.. there is always a hand holdin on their sanity.. somebody out there has arms outstreached to cradle them.. to love them..).. so this is the reason why we let "on-the-spot" created emotions win over.. well, if something as small as an icecream can boost up ur spirits, then thinkin abt BIG things (i mean emotions) like LOVE, ENEMITY, REVENGE really must be havin much more impact... maybe their impact is much more stronger and hence much more lasting.... (this catagory excludes the negetive feelings though..)

What does this discusion (me v/s me discussion) boil down to?? well.. i knew the answer beforehand.. NOTHING!! How hard may i try, my progress doesnt even inch an inch forward.. all that i understood is that there are still many points missing which complete the picture..
so generally speaking, i think its absolutely POSSIBLE to control our emotions [THINK only not DO (another tendency of my mortal being..)].. but for that u HAVE to do somethings which are fobidden by the society without being an outcast.. maybe one of the things being DETACHMENT.. DETACHMENT from illusions (as if i have mastered that art.. duh!).... lets see.. wht all khichdi is my mind cooking right now...

but whtever, right now, i am really having pretty good thoughts on detachment.. MAJOR one being.. DETACHING MYSELF from this blog for today :)...

DETACHING MYSELF....
Shruti....

Dreams.. hmm.. :)